Mushroom Trip #1 / Backseat Driver

from by Randall Kirk Jones

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When I was 17 I went to a friends house
We all took psilocybin mushrooms and I tried to kill myself
I walked downstairs to the kitchen
and watched my body move
as it grabbed two knives from the counter
and pressed them to my throat
pushing progressively harder now
but something had stopped me
and though I dropped the knives to the floor
the idea has always haunted me

and it's always been there but I had began taking it too seriously
And weeks before began drafting my final note to my family
And somehow with the state I was in
I tried to act on it in that kitchen

I went back up stairs and got in bed
to writhe around in the sheets
I thought I felt my body dying
so I stepped out to watch me
as my organs began failing
and I felt my own heart stop
It felt like I had lived millenniums of time
but I when looked at the clock on the bedside
a minute had gone by
And I began to convince myself
that this was the afterlife

And I felt all alone
trapped in an endless overwhelming fear
that never whispered any answers I was seeking in my ear
because I was far past the point of asking let alone to hear
only dragging up every deep seeded demon
I'd been hiding from for years

vision got so blurry until I had to close my eyes and I passed out
and woke up at 5 am with a clear head and all my demons out
so we drove to the only store that was open
and I loved everyone I saw
we watched the sun come up
and felt grateful for it all

Backseat Driver

I was only trying
to get the universe to reveal itself to me
But it was the one exploring
all the hidden parts of me normally unseen
and I feel like an open book
written in some foreign language.
trying to translate a truth
that could only be found while my mind was vacant
and it showed me that I'm a homebody
well its true I like to find my way out of plans
and reflect on all the happenings
that I don't want to forget
and that I'm a backseat driver
I'll sit out of view and just point out what you're doing wrong
But I only do this 'cause I wish I was brave enough
to put my own hands on the wheel


from Archaic Memories And Past Lives, released May 3, 2016



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Randall Kirk Jones Denton, Texas

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