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lyrics

California girl 'til the 70s
and you were adopted into a new family
so many fathers I'm confused by your family tree
and I wish these were the kinds of things you'd talk to me about
but you're always asking if I've eaten yet
as if I'm so thin I miss one meal and I'll be dead
and I always forget that you were married once before my dad
but he got into heavy drugs and you just wanted no part in that
Then at a party met your partner for eternity
gave birth to my brother and started this family

And you're the most selfless person in my life
but you hide in the background
as if you're every other american housewife
well I guess the selfless really do hide in plain sight

Malibu vacation to see your old house
we're driving fast along the coastline
when someone pulled out in front of us
with our car totaled stranded on the side of the street
and never getting to revisit what you drove thousands of miles to see
on to a hotel in the las Vegas strip
what starts out as a nice trip had to turn into this
when I ran out of the room once I saw the makings of a fist
and it's funny how my thoughts on a city can change in one instant
but this is where you rushed off to get married with my dad
and your parents were the only ones in the aisle
who had shown up to watch
but you were so humble and didn't need to do it up
I know the two of them just there to watch you was enough

and on your birthday this year with bloodshot eyes you said
that your dream in life was to raise kids
that turned out half as messed up as you did
and the only gift you wanted
was for me to say "you did the best you could"
in a place so reminiscent of hell sometimes
but I tend to dwell in our worst of moments
but somehow you still believe everything is fine
And its that unyielding kindness that keeps me in line

And it's well understood that you like your bottle of wine
but how much can I criticize after you just worked all day to provide
it's just you ramble nonsense on the theory of life
and I just wish you could tell me what you believe
when it's not coated in the smell of wine
Because I avoid you at all costs in that state
as it dampens my image of the mother who's kept my head on straight
and I know it's irrational that I try to separate the times
that us four interact to keep the peace and a healthy state of mind
it's not that I expect all parts to run perfectly year round
I'm just running from any situation that ends in a mental breakdown

but I understand it isn't getting any easier with your mother passing away last year or just feeling like your children don't need you
or old 'cause your husband is younger by seven years
but you will keep persisting
and I truly now do miss you outside of any necessity
and don't worry of age
if its brought the thoughtfulness to forgive us for the moments
that you're a household slave
though our workaholic nature will work us into our graves
this ethic you paved certainly has its place cause when
I stay busy I can feel you in me and its just one of the ways
I will keep you alive
long after you return to wherever we derive
I will keep you alive

credits

from Archaic Memories And Past Lives, released May 3, 2016

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Randall Kirk Jones Denton, Texas

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